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Having a previous partner who abused them in any way, cheated on them, left them or died can cause these men later to avoid emotional intimacy and relationships altogether.
In the relationships, these men often have a hard time maintaining closeness with their partner for any significant length of time: He either never lets them fully in, always keeping them at a distance or cheats, abuses, or witholds sex or affection from time to time.Men who have a paranoid personality type are often afraid of relationships, as well.Paranoid men are hypervigilant about their environment and screening everyone who comes into their space.The wake of trauma can make romantic relationships almost unbearable and undoable if the man has not processed the trauma and worked through all the associated thoughts and feelings.In addition, men who are afraid of relationships may have had a previous relationship as an adult that was traumatic.Tell him what you believe and what you see, and do it in a casual, nonjudmental manner. I'm sure there are effects that are common to both genders, but surely there are some effects which are unique to each gender.
If you really want to make a romantic relationship with him work well, offer to go to couples therapy to help him - and you, too! There is hope for men who are afraid of relationships, but they must be disciplined about trying to change and honest with themselves about how dysfunctional their romantic life has been as a result of their relationship fears. For instance, the different socializations genders are exposed to, as explained in the article.
They are extremely aware of hierarchies of power and carry the ongoing fear that someone is going to trap them somehow and take advantage of them.
For these reasons, reliance and dependence on another person are incredibly far-out notions for the paranoid man.
Odds are, however, that the day may never come: Perhaps the social influences shaping males and females are so powerful that it's primarily the social part, and not the biological part, that makes men and women who are they are. To women who have known men terrified of relationships, this research will come as no surprise.
Anecodotally, my fifteen years as a therapist have shown me that men are often more afraid of letting their guards down and being vulnerable than women, so it would make sense if they fear relationships more than women.
In other words, why are the so afraid of relationships?