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She described some longtime members as "seething cauldrons of anger." Another commenter observed that many AA members are caught in a cycle of negativity.
Although there is some truth to this, wiser 12-step members refer to it as a selfless program.We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.Think of how quickly we lambaste those in religious or political authority who fall short. Having such an unrealistic expectation pushes the newcomer to pose the question: "If they're sober, why are they still jerks? Here is another fact: Many recovering addicts do not actually practice the program as they claim to.This is true for many who claim religious propriety (remember that guy with the religious bumper sticker driving selfishly or flashing a nasty gesture).The idea that an individual, who is finally quitting substances, must continue being selfish is a tough pill to swallow.
Family members often feel like they've tolerated enough.
I tell clients in addiction treatment: The first step of AA (admitting there is a problem and drinking isn't an option any longer) is enough to keep one sober; it is the other steps that lead to happiness without the substances.
Many people in 12-step programs don't practice the rest of the steps.
Unlike most people, sober alcoholics in AA are at least attempting to be better people and, often, to work on their issues. My own experience with thousands of sober alcoholics is that they are more emotionally well than the genral population after a few years in AA. ...so, why are these people trying to divert attention to someone elses' anger/issues?
There is a saying: "people who jusge don't matter; people who matter don't judge... I'd guess that it's easier to talk about how you think someone else is angry than it is to talk about why you can't get or keep a boyfriend or a job..." Thank you for your comment. Many alcoholics have overcome a great deal of adversity beyond their alcoholism.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.