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“I feel like I’ve grown into being more socially outgoing and talkative, but I wasn’t always that way,” he said.“I think there was a long time where I felt ashamed, ashamed or self-conscious, or attributing me being single to the fact that I don’t have these qualities and I need to have these qualities in order to attract people.
Maltempo compared this approach to meeting people at a mixer, where you can gauge your chemistry with only one person at a time.Even though intellectually I knew it wasn’t true, but emotionally [I was] blaming myself for not meeting a seemingly objective standard of what is attractive.” MC Maltempo, a 36-year-old Korean American who grew up in Golden, Colo., also met his significant other online.He first joined in 2006, but only started using it seriously in 2013.“It makes it seem like there’s a dialogue going on from the very beginning,” he said. “Dialogue rather than just messaging.” At first, Maltempo’s wife, Xue Jiang, was unimpressed by his messages. Compared with black, white and Latino men, Asian men receive fewer matches and messages from women on the dating site.
That’s not to say online dating can’t work for Asian men.
Tao Liu, a doctorate student in counseling psychology at Indiana University, has measured how Asian American men experience gendered racism.
[My boyfriend was intimidated by my sexual history.
He needed online dating only to “work once,” he says, and it did.
In the process, Montecillo, 25, also learned to not judge himself based on others people’s standards.
A little over a year later, Maltempo married a woman he met on the site.